http://laurabellbundy.com/mediaplayer.aspx?meid=1380

Here's a link to my new favorite gal. Laura Bell Bundy

http://laurabellbundy.com/mediaplayer.aspx?meid=1380

My special needs Mommy Friends...

I just can't find the words to tell you what my special needs mommy friends mean to me. Most of them I've never met because they live so far away (like Canada). I feel close to them however because they are the only ones who truly know what it is like. It is wonderful, it is painful, it is an honor and a privilege to be the mother of a special needs child (as well as Brice my 'typical' child) but I am so grateful for the friends I've met through the chromosome 18 registry and beyond. Even the parents with a child with needs that are MUCH different than Bennett's, there is an instant connection. A knowing look that says "I understand" and I know that they do. One of my dearest childhood friends, Emily, has a child with CP and she got on a plane and flew down here when Bennett was probably 3-4 weeks old. She has helped direct me and has encouraged me. Since I've known her my whole life and I trust her, I said "Is it eventually going to be OK?" She thought for a moment and she said "Yes, it really will be, you will look back and you won't want him any other way because this is who he is." I had trouble believing that part of it but I went on faith and I knew she had walked far longer in these shoes and in a far more tragic situation. I decided to believe her and after only three years, I still cry. I cry when I see other children his age doing so many things that 'typical children' do and it blows me away. It takes my breath away sometimes. It is like a punch in the stomach. But then I realize that only after three short years. I wouldn't change my monkey. He is who he is supposed to be, and I would miss him were he to suddenly become someone else. I can honestly say, I really like him just the way he is.

My precious niece who is beautiful and has so much going for her is going into the fifth grade. She has called me crying because she says that she doesn't have any friends and that there are 'mean girls' in her class that leave her out of everything. She says she has nobody to eat lunch with. My heart broke into a million pieces just hearing her cry. I listened. I did not try to minimize her issues. I tried really hard to just be a sounding board.

I did find myself however telling her that even when you are my age (40) people are still unkind and hurt your feelings. There are always those that may rub us the wrong way or who have hurt us (perhaps without even knowing). Our preacher taught on Sunday about how we are to move toward those people to reconcile and make amends. He reminded us that God always makes the first move toward us- even though we don't deserve it.

What do you do when someone hurts you? Do you make the first move toward the other person by calling or writing to say "Hey, what's going on with you?" It's really our responsibility to do so as Christians. If you have done that and gotten no response, then I am not sure of the next step. It's hard to let go of people in your life that you love when sometimes, they don't love you back. I am praying for a gentle spirit and a forgiving heart. It costs too much to be angry.  If nothing else, maybe I can be an example for Anna.  Here she is with her mom, my sister.  Hey, please see the slideshow from our summer vacation below....

Summer 2010

Make a slideshow

Losing the therapists...

Oh, I have not written in a while.  I have found myself in a funk.  A depressive/anxious funk of everything from new baby stress to fears about Bennett and his upcoming entry to public preschool special education.  We lost our three therapists that have been with Bennett since he was four months old.  I thought I was going to fall apart (I did).  They had become like family to me and to Bennett.  I miss them dearly but it is time for Bennett to close the early intervention birth to three chapter of his life and move on to 'Big School' (3-5 special needs public preschool).

I am excited because I love his new teachers. They are a hoot and highly educated.  Bennett will be paired with a typical peer (and I think he will explode with new knowledge) and maybe even start talking!  I long for the day when he will say "I love you mom".  I am going to train him to say "Mom, you're so pretty!"  Here are some pics of his last day with his therapists. I was bawling so there are no pictures of me.
 Thank you Christy- OT, Candace- Speech  and Chantel PT, and Rachel, his case manager for all you have done.  You have seen us through the best and the worst of times and been with us since he could not raise his head, he would not eat, crawl or walk.  He would not play with toys or even think about babbling/talking.  You have visited him in the hospital.  YOU have brought us so far and we intend to keep working hard to make Bennett the best that he can be.  Thank you for helping me work through the pain and always being a source of encouragement.  Now he is running, playing, 'singing' (in his own language) and very proud of the new skills he has acquired.   Since he cannot speak, I will speak for him...
WE LOVE YOU!!!
Lisa & Bennett

Back on the Blog! Brice is here!

Wow...it’s been so long since I’ve written. I’ve been in the weeds with these two boys. Having a baby is no small undertaking but I’m finding that with Bennett’s disability and his being 21/2 it’s a recipe for a mental breakdown. I thank GOD every day for Vanessa who is a worker assigned by a home health agency to help with Bennett. She has been with us for a year and really loves Bennett and he loves her. I don’t know what I would do without her. The state pays for this service. One reason is that the divorce rate for parents of special needs children is about 80% and they find that it is cheaper to give caregivers some respite than to have a whole family fall apart. Bennett’s behavior is getting more challenging and he is stronger and harder to deal with...Although he still has a good heart.

I wanted to blog about my birth experience with Brice (for Brice) it’s not terribly exciting (thank goodness) but just wanted to have it down in writing.

I had been having rib pain for over a week. It hurt A LOT. I thought my ribs were cracked or broken. I called my husband on the 25th (c-section was scheduled for the 31st of March) and told him that something was wrong and I needed to go to the Maternal Evaluation Unit (little ER for pregnant women at UAB). I told him to stay with our two year old at home because I envisioned them telling me that there was nothing wrong and to go back home and rest. Boy was I wrong! Thank goodness I went.

While they were working me up, they took my blood pressure and it was 200/110. YIKES! NOT GOOD. They told me that they may need to take the baby but we were going to do some blood work. They kept checking my blood pressure for a while and it stayed elevated. They gave me blood pressure medicine and pain medicine. They said they wanted to see if treating the pain would bring my blood pressure down. So they gave me some Demoral and it did nothing. While I waited, of course my ipnone ran out of power. Then I was in trouble because I couldn’t call anyone. There was a phone beside me, but I don’t know anyone’s number. The only numbers I know are long distance. I did manage to recall Kristin’s number and Elliot’s. That’s it I think. The blood pressure medicine seemed to bring back from stroke level hypertension. Anyway, the blood work came back and it seems I had developed pre-eclampsia. They told me it was time to have the baby. I called my husband who called his parents to come and be with Bennett so that he could come to the hospital. We had friends that offered to keep Bennett but we knew his parents could get here and then Bennett would just be able to stay in his own bed and not be confused. Thanks to those friends though! You know who you are! This was all happening at night. My husband got there and within 15 minutes they were taking us to the OR. I was so excited to be getting this baby OUT! I was over being pregnant. I was happy and I was scared. I REALLY felt unprepared. My doctor was no where around. I don’t even know who delivered him. I didn’t know that when I left the house and left my BIG BOY, that the next time I would see him he would have a brother. I had all sorts of emotions.
They sat me on the OR table and gave me a spinal- which is unpleasant, but not horrible. I started to cry. I was just afraid. I did not feel ready in so many ways. It was all very surreal. Then I laid back and the spinal took effect. I could feel the numbness climbing up my body. My blood pressure which had been awfully high, plummeted all of a sudden (to about 80/60 or so). They gave me epinephrine. I then got nauseated and told them I was going to throw up. This is all while I’m paralyzed and with my arms strapped down like I was on the lethal injection table. Instinctively, I wanted to bring my hand to my mouth but I could not move it because it was restrained. I felt a little panicked. They told me to just turn my head to the side and throw up (I’m flat on my back) so I did just that. Things got better from there as they adjusted some medicine that was flowing and got everything sorted out.
David was brought in. He was a huge comfort to me. He just stroked my hair and said that everything was going to be fine. We just looked at each other and waited to hear our baby cry.
Finally Brice was out and they took him over to the table to suction him and clean him up etc. David went over to the table. I kept saying ‘Is he fine?’ ‘Is he OK?’ ‘Does he look healthy?’ They kept saying ‘YES’ but it took me a while (a day) to believe he was really healthy. The incident with Bennett was so traumatic and I couldn’t believe we had a healthy baby. I thought the doctor’s may be hiding something from me.  
Then I went to recovery. I cannot tell you what in the world happened with me there except that I was in the worst pain I’ve ever been in. This seemed odd because I had had a c-section before and did not find it to be terrible painful. I was crying so much and telling the nurse how much I was hurting. My husband was beside me - not knowing WHAT to do. The nurse said that it may have hurt like that because they had to cut through scar tissue and also because they did a tubal. I didn’t care WHY at that moment. My nurse never left my side. She pumped Morphine into my body every two minutes. It was like water. Nothing....couldn’t tell she had done anything. I kept bawling. The doctor came in and said to give me Dilaudid. I asked her what that was exactly (I knew it was for pain). She said it was 7x as strong as Morphine. The Dilaudid brought the pain down from a 10 to an 8 and I could handle it. The rest of the recovery was very painful. Very painful. I still don’t know why.

But...we have our bundle of blue and he is beautiful. He weighed 7 lbs. and was 20.5 inches. His hair had a strawberry blonde tint to it but now I believe it is light brown. His eyes are blue (but so were Bennett’s and his are green now).

For now, I am just enjoying him and cherishing my time with Brice. I know that it will go by too fast. Some days I still catch myself worrying that someone will tell me that something is wrong.  I don't want to be that way.  I feel like I'm holding my breath.  Waiting...  I think he really is fine though.  He is smiling and cooing and holding his head up.  That is all new to me.  Bennett did not do any of that for a VERY long time.
Bennett already LOVES his little brother so much. He can hardly keep his grime-a-licious little hands off him.

The other big news is that David (architect) got laid off and his firm filed for bankruptcy.
This is not good. They cancelled our insurance- no COBRA. There was no severance pay. He had a week' notice. Everyone in the firm was laid off except for the partners (3). Needless to say, this is a tough situation. We have no income currently and we have two children under three. I know that we will get through it blah blah blah but it sucks when you’re in the middle of it.
Luckily, my husband has launched his own firm with his business partner Christian Rogers. Check out their site.  It’s www.blackmonrogers.com.  They are focusing on residential work and have licenses in many states.

I will post some pics of Joseph Brice Blackmon.

Next blog: All about the mystery gift (50$ gift certificate to restaurant!) from a stranger that I received in the mail today. The card reads: “Lisa, you don’t know me, I know you through a friend...” cliff hanger! Stay tuned to hear the rest of the story...